I am turning 25 in few months.
Every night when I lay down on my bed trying to sleep, the river of thoughts floods in. Thoughts of not being able to find a person to share my life with, floods in. Loneliness sweeps in and I wonder when and who.
Every where I go, all the people I meet, places I look at seems to be so in love. Most of them who are of my age seems to have a life started, with a husband and some with children. A happy life. And I just can’t help but wonder. Why am I still single and why don’t I have anyone interested in me?
I believe in love, it exists and thats a magical feeling to have. Even with modern day beliefs and doings I still find love to be beautiful. Getting butterflies in your stomach every time you are to meet him, the fire that burns in his eyes every time our eyes meet, the smile that spreads across your face, the touch that caresses when you are happy or sad and the words that uplifts you. The feeling of being cared for and having someone you can count on, always. It’s a miraculously wonderful feeling to cherish for those who have gotten lucky.
I myself have been in love one too many times. Sometimes I got lucky and mostly it was an empty road I took. Falling in love has been an easy job except for when it came to being loved. I have loved and cared for people who couldn’t give two shits about it. I have loved a few who reciprocated too. Through out my 24 years of life, love has been harsh towards me. I have shed too many tears in the name of love than it let me wear a smile. And yet, here I am with an open heart, arms wide open and with hopes high yet again to fall in love. To be able to embrace that magical feeling of falling, deeply and completely, to give my heart away to someone who needs it.
This time though, a bit more carefully and a bit more slowly. At times, I gave up so much and gave away too much of me, to feel that love and to acquire it, every time lead to disappointments. Some took the benefit, some used and some couldn’t value. There has come times where I lost hope to be ever loved. Times, that made me believe in the cruelty of this world and the men in it. And sometimes, couldn’t help but realised how blind men are.
In todays world, beauty is of great essence to men. A girl with a pretty face need not struggle for there would be men lined up for her. And to be a black sheep in a society as such doesn’t seem to be giving me any luck with romance. I am beautiful. A beautiful soul though, just not what appeals to the eyes looking.
And at this point in life I could wonder if its truly gonna be a lonely life or there could still be hope.